Losing, letting go, and moving on

Growing up, I've always wanted to have a group of friends like the one I saw in films. I wanted to have friendships like Miley and Lily, Carly and Sam, you know, friendships that seem like they would last a long time through all thicks and thins. 

But sometimes losing people isn’t something that you can control. 

 

It used to be so hard for me to understand why people leave constantly. To me, people leaving felt like a personal attack on my character. I hated when friends became nobodies when we used to be so close.

 

Losing people scared me because it made me feel like I was not good enough. Losing friends made me wonder what I did wrong and what I should’ve done to make them stay.

 

A few years ago, I was so sick of having multiple failed and lost friendships. I wondered if it was because I’m a bad person - if I was too much or not enough for my friends. I fell into a cycle of self-blame where I believed everything was my fault. Where I have no right to be angry the way that I did or be upset about the way that I was. I ended up being a people pleaser who always gives, always tries to understand, always forgives, and always tolerates people’s behaviour because I wanted them to stay. 

 

But after a while, meeting friends became draining to me. I hated going out and would rather stay at home where I didn’t need to try to make people like me or please them. It was a weird moment in my life as I used to love going out with friends. I noticed how I don’t and can’t really connect with people like I used to. I didn’t know if it was because I just hadn’t met the right one, or if it was because I was putting on a front.

 

But now I understand that you can’t force people to stay. The more you hold on to them, the worse it will be for you. 

I think people who are not meant for you are not meant to stay in your life, and the more you try to force it, the more it will hurt you so you will let go. 

 

I don’t see lost friends as enemies or villains. Yes, we had our differences, but we also had a great time together. It's weird because now old friends are like strangers. They’re not a part of your life anymore but they changed something in you forever. They influenced your personality, outlook in life, and the decisions that get you where you are today, 

 

I think people aren’t forever. Sometimes they can choose to leave and that’s okay. Sometimes it’s not anyone’s fault. You just grew apart and started to have your own life.

 

XOXO, Girl on paper