On finding good friends

 

I have to say, I am very fortunate to be surrounded by friends that truly love and care for me. Friends who check up on me, friends who are more than willing to talk and listen, and friends with whom I am comfortable enough to be myself. 

But I know what it’s like to feel alone. To have thousands of friends, yet no one to talk to. To be surrounded by them, yet feel so utterly alone. Why is that? Why do we feel that way when on paper we should be happy. I think it’s because we are choosing friends based on all the wrong reasons. I think when we were younger, we didn’t know how to find good friends. Our judgement was clouded by artificial things. We judge people based on how they look and how they reflect upon us. We see and put people in hierarchies based on how ideal they are, mistaking what they bring, as who they truly are. 

 

I remember how differently a person could treat someone based on how ‘cool’ they are in their eyes. We forget that people are more than beauty, money, or popularity. We forget that friendship is not about keeping up appearances but is about true connections between people. We forget that there is more to people than what meets the eye, like how caring they are, how encouraging they are, and how fond they are of you. I think friendship is not something that can be forced, it’s a genuine connection and sometimes we trade them for those shallow things. 

 

Maybe this is why most people have a hard time finding good friends. They focus too much on whether their friends are cool enough for them, instead of whether they are a nice person that they can truly depend on. Maybe this is why people don’t put a lot of importance on friends as they get older. Maybe it’s because they were disappointed in the quality of their friendships and how little sympathy and care their friends hold for them. Maybe it’s because they think that they could never depend on a friend and that’s just how things work. But maybe it's because they were just looking and not seeing people for who they truly are.

 

As I grew older, I started to realize how important and hard to find a good friend is. I started thinking about all the good friends that I had and could still have if I was just a little bit wiser. Now I know that above all else, having a good heart is the most important thing someone can have. 

 

A few years ago, I have given up the idea of friendship that is good and true, but now I have friends in my life that I am grateful for. We check up on each other just because. We know that however difficult and complicated we can be, we will still love and accept each other, and honestly, what more do you need in a friend than that? To know that they truly love you just as you are, even with the not so good part of yourself. To know that you can depend on that person and it's okay to do so. To know that you are not alone and whatever happens, you will still have them in your life. I don’t think there is anything more comforting than knowing that your friend will always have your back no matter where you are in life.

Since Christmas is coming up, I wanted to write about this because Christmas used to be the loneliest time for me. Somehow seeing all the merry and joy in the world, only highlighted my own loneliness. Only last year did I truly feel the warmth of Christmas and it’s largely because of the friends that I have. I am indeed lucky to have these people in my life and I hope you all have or will find yours. 

XOXO, GIRL ON PAPER