Why you should stop caring about what people think of you and how to be okay with that

 Confession: I had an obsession with how I’m perceived by others. 

When I was young, I used to believe that there was something wrong with me. It all started because I got picked on a lot as a kid. I was a quiet kid that got labelled as odd, and as you all may know, it made making friends very difficult. Somehow being unliked is like a decease that spreads like a plague. Unliked by one and the next day the whole town will be banging on your door. Become friends with the 'unlikables' and you too will be unliked, which is why we prefer to keep to ourselves eventually.

It taught me a lot about how terrifying it is to be unliked by someone, and how much people’s perception of you matters. 

When I moved to a new school, I swore to make it right. I gave myself a makeover, from the way I talk to the way I dress. I observed how popular kids in my old school acted and copied them. What made them likeable and cool, basically just a ball of sunshine that everyone wants to be next to. 

I thought if I become that girl I could finally be happy with myself and it worked! For a while at least..... 

I had friends, was no longer the weird kid, and was quite popular for a bit. But the thing is people will always have something to say about you. 

Not smart enough, 

not thin enough, 

laugh too much, 

talk too much,

constantly being too much and not enough.

The truth is, I have spent 8 years of my life, changing myself over and over again, trying to be something worth liking until I don't even know who I am anymore. 

I went from a quiet kid that got picked on, 

to a friendly kid that got body-shamed, 

a popular kid that was labelled stupid, loud, and shallow,

a cool kid who didn't care about anything that she ended up ruining her relationships with good people.

And finally, a depressed kid that is too depressing to look at.

the irony is, I spent 2 years of my life being mad at myself for not being good enough and then I spent another 2 years trying to get myself back again. To live again, and just learning to be me again.

I finally learned that I am a person worthy of love, time, effort and patience. A person that is kind, smart, and full of so much love.

I know look at things differently, and this is how I see things now.

There are 7 billion people on this planet, each with their own preferences, experiences and beliefs. It’s impossible to please that many people and be all versions of their ideal. We can’t be good in everyone’s eyes but that’s okay as long as we are in ours. I think no matter who you are and what you do, you will always be annoying and weird to someone. That might sound a bit sad, but it honestly shouldn’t be. We’ll find our people one way or another. Now I think being weird and different is a good thing. Otherwise, how are we supposed to filter the people who can have a place in our life?

It might be hard to like yourself because we often attach our worth to how other people treat and perceive us. But as cliche as it sounds, you are perfect just the way you are. If you don’t think you are, then maybe it’s because you are not treating yourself the way you should be treated; with compassion, empathy, love, care, and attention.

The truth is, and I quote the Buddha, “You can search throughout the entire universe for someone more deserving of your love and affection than yourself, and that person is nowhere to be found. You, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection”.

How to stop caring about what people think of you and be okay with that? The answer is love. Loving yourself, knowing that you are good, beautiful, worthy of love and kindness.

At the end of the day, you are the person who spends every waking moment of your life with yourself, so shouldn’t what you think of yourself matters most? Shouldn’t you be the person who needs to like yourself?

Okay! That's pretty much it.

XX, Girl On Paper