The Girl Who Eats Alone

People always try to make it seem sad, somehow the word ‘alone’ triggers an image of a scary, grey, and dreary life. Perhaps there’s an oddness in being alone, a feeling of not fitting in, unloved or unaccepted, which truth be told is the fear inside all of us whether we realize it or not. 

Perhaps we’re scared of ourselves. What would happen when we are alone? Will I be okay? Can I survive? Can I help myself? Do I know what is right? Or maybe because it forces us to see who we really are; Am I a good person? Do I like myself? Am I doing enough?

 

But as I get older, I realize that being alone can be freeing instead of frightening. Exciting instead of dreadful, peaceful instead of miserable, and maybe even a little bit adventurous. The complete opposite of what people have in mind when the word alone pops in. 

 

When you’re alone you’re not performing for anyone. You don’t have to care about how you are perceived or feel the need to do something for the person at the other end. When you’re alone, you’re just you. Everything you do is just for you and as simple as it sounds, most of us don’t give ourselves enough attention. Not in terms of basic needs like food or water, but in terms of time. 

 

A second to think, 

a second to relax, 

and a second to withdraw. 

 

To be able to enjoy that moment when the world just stops. To stay in that silence where it felt like the day is waiting for you to get ready. 

 

Being alone allows us to figure out who we are as a person. Who we are when others aren’t watching. Who do we want to be, and what kind of person do we really think we are.

 

I think the secret to being comfortable when alone, is to be comfortable in being you. To like who you are even with the flaws and imperfections; to enjoy your own company and to know that you are a good person.  

 

It is a cloudy Thursday evening just like how it usually is in Melbourne. I am sitting in a small café that I’ve never been to before, trying to decide my mind from the many options of chais that all look delicious. I took up the shopkeeper’s snack recommendation that is supposed to go well with the tea. She even shows me how it is traditionally eaten. Now I know that you are supposed to dip a soft buttery bread in your aromatic and spicy chai. As I’m eating alone, I feel at peace. I feel happy with myself. I feel adventurous from my discovery of enjoying a cup of chai with bread. Silly things like that made my day, and I’m looking forward to the next time I’m eating alone. 

XX, Girl On Paper